Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
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