I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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