then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
