then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
