I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
