how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
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