R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
My sheets look like a crime scene.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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