One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
