I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
