Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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