My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
