I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
