I won't be sarcastic... just naked
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
