Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
