she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
