the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
