Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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