did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
