they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
