Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
