Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
