I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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