went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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