Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
