dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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