is your mom at the bar?
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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