Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
