I'm pants shitting drunk right now
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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