she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
