Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
