You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
