apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
