She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
They took my balls.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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