I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
