There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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