You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
