i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
