Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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