her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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