So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
two words...techno handjob
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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