i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
