I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
