I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
