giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
