Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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