Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
