Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Rumble strips road head = magical
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
