pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
