Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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