ya dads aren't the best wingmen
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
