Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
