she was so not down for the gang bang
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
